Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize