I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
