During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
