I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
