I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
