We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
