I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
