I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
