I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
