What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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