Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
