Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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