so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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