I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
