how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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