I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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