the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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