Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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