You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize