I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
