my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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