Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
