I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's always time for handjobs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
