Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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