dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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