i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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