i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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