remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
