Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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