i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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