Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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