Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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