so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i've created a new STD.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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