you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
send nudes
from the living room?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
