Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
