he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
