Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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