Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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