So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
