Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
