Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
