Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
