Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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