I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
