I would go down on you faster than GM stock
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
