i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
