Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
