remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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