He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
