he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
