I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
