Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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