I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
