Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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