I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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