bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize