I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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