Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
