Sponge bath it is.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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