so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
