your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
