Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
