3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
