morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
