i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
