oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
