Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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