My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
