I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
