we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
