if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You did what with his pubic hair?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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