I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
