dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
