Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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