You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
