I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
