im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Im part way to drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize