Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
