im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The feeling are messing with the penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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