...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
