I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
