she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
