she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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