i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
