I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
