I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
