Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
