Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
