quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize