I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
