All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
