Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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