oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
