It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
