Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
