separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
