Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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