fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
