I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
